Day 44: Time and Pursuit
“There are times in our lives — scary, unsettling times — when we know that we need help or answers but we’re not sure what kind, or even what the problem or question is.
We look and look, tearing apart our lives like we’re searching for car keys in our couch, and we come up empty-handed. Then when we’re doing something stupid, like staring at the dog’s mismatched paws, we stumble across what we needed to find. Or even better, it finds us. It wasn’t what we were looking or hoping for, which was usually advice, approval, an advantage, safety, or relief from pain. I was raised to seek or achieve them, but like everyone, I realized at some point that they do not bring lasting peace, relief, or uplift. This does not seem fair, after a lifetime spent in their pursuit.”
-taken from Hallelujah Anyway; Rediscovering Mercy,
by Anne Lamott
It’s the final line of this excerpt that gets me.
For it is not the time invested in the pursuit of something that renders it useful, profitable, or fruitful. Time is actually a very poor benefactor. It is absolutely impervious to what we “deserve” and will march forward without the slightest hesitation, no matter how many do-overs or hold-ons we may beseech.
Yet time is the only thing that stands between us and the answer to questions we don’t even know how to ask.
So, maybe it’s not the answer that brings us peace.
Maybe it’s having a clearer question in mind.
Clear aim makes time a slave to it’s end,
a servant to the mark,
but time itself is a devious train,
and can cloud and pall in it’s ether,
leaving the sightless without course,
and the searcher without stop.
so, stop.
And set your eye with intention.
