Author: Jamie

Day 17: Long Sentences

Day 17: Long Sentences

By | | Comments 0 Comment

Sometimes, 547.5 days seem so far away I worry my heart could not possibly mend without going numb or falling asleep or forgetting what I learned or unfeeling what it felt so I remind myself that everything will someday be alright and even when the hurt hurts more than hurt should hurt, I know I’ll keep going because all the things that were hard in my past are now over and have colored who I am today, I think for the better, and so one must keep getting to the next day or even just to the next word, because some sentences are too long but eventually they end and you’re on to writing the next one.

Which will not be as long.

 

Day17_LongSentences

 

Day 16: Green Ice

Day 16: Green Ice

By | | Comments 2 comments

I have had a protein shake for breakfast nearly every day for the last 5 years. The basic ingredients include: fruit, nut butter, coconut milk, protein powder, and GREENS.

Lots and lots o’greens.

And the worst protein shake there could ever be is the one made with stinky, green, slimy, sludge from a clamshell that was just purchased two days ago.

You know what I’m talking about:

Day16_Slime

I don’t even know what that is.

 

but I’m pretty sure it’s going to taste like this…

Day16_Seaweed

So! I got an idea…

I bought the humongo bag of greens,

Day16_Tray

Blended the petunias out of ‘em and threw them in ice cube trays*,

Day16_Freeze

and now have tasty Green Ice to make my shakes even colder.

Day16_GreenIce

…aeh!?!

 

*I recommend silicone trays so you can pop the cubes out more easily… Mine are from IKEA.

**Add water when blending, as needed.

Day 15: The Contradiction of Motherhood

Day 15: The Contradiction of Motherhood

By | | Comments 0 Comment

I’ve become a mother eight times over. Three of my children were never born. Five of my children thrive. I’ve had a mother for all the days of my life and sometimes more than one at a time. I’ve watched my Grandmothers and have been in awe of their age, hearty laughs, and sober stares.

And when I pool our collective mothering together and reflect in that pond, I see two rules that seem to get the job done right:

 

Number One: HOLD ON.

Number Two: LET GO.

 

The trick is knowing when to employ which one…

Day15_HoldOnLetGo

Day 14: Normal Little Wars

Day 14: Normal Little Wars

By | | Comments 0 Comment

Day14_Little Wars Program

I went to a play called “Little Wars,” written by Steven Carl McCasland. I am not a theater reviewer, nor is this an attempted play review. I am an audience member who is filled with gratitude that people can be honest enough to write, produce, direct, act, and convey the following with such sincerity that it left tears on my cheek and lungs without air.

These lines were beautifully and expertly delivered by actor, Candace Barrett Birk:

I have often wondered what it would be like to be “normal”. I have questioned my sanity and searched for my “normalness” and I have stood in the yard with my hands clenched in fists yelling into the sky because even though I’m not sure there is a man in the sky, even though I’m not sure there is a God or a Higher Power or a Holy Spirit and even though I have questions, so many questions, who doesn’t have questions, I have stood in the yard with my hands clenched in fists yelling into the sky and asking why I was not “normal”!

But I have also often wondered, oh, I have wondered… if “normal” even exists…

and there I was in all my ugliness in all my rage in all my not normalness and I was looking at the sky when I should’ve been looking at myself.

This is a time that passes but it takes time like a stone in your kidney like a rock in your chest. In your heart. But when it passes when the time passes and you finally realize, it is oh so very normal oh so very quiet oh so very Yes. Yes. Yes.

(excerpts taken from the script)

I do believe there is a God. But God, I don’t believe there is a normal. And if there is, God, I thank you for not asking me to be it.

Little Wars is produced by Prime Productions, directed by Shelli Place, and is currently playing at Mixed Blood Theatre

Day 13: You Put da Lime in da Coconut (Macaroon)

Day 13: You Put da Lime in da Coconut (Macaroon)

By | | Comments 2 comments

Sometimes necessity is the mother of invention. Other times, food that’s going to spoil makes this mother invent.

I went to get A Key lime. But I was at a huge, box store so I could only buy TEN Key limes. Needless to say, I had left over limes. I also had left over egg whites. So, I decided to take the two orphans under my baker’s wing before they gave us all salmonella, and concocted:

 

COCONUT LIME MACAROON with a WHITE CHOCOLATE MACADAMIA NUT CRUST & PINK HIMALAYAN SALT GARNISH

….yee-haw!

The beauty of this recipe: I think it would pair nicely with Tequila AND it will possibly cure you of scurvy.

The ingredients:

Day13_a_Ingredients

  • 1 teaspoon Key Lime zest
  • 3 1/2 to 4 Tablespoons Key Lime juice (from about 4 limes)
  • 2 Tablespoons corn syrup
  • 2/3 cup sweetened condensed milk
  • 4 egg whites
  • 1 1/2 teaspoon vanilla
  • 1/2 teaspoon coconut extract
  • 1/4 teaspoon salt
  • 5 1/3 cups shredded coconut*
  • 2/3 cup almond flour (not pictured)**
  • 4 ounce white chocolate baking bar
  • 1/2 cup macadamia nuts

The instructions:

Preheat your oven to 375º. Start by beating the lime juice, corn syrup, sweetened condensed milk, egg whites, vanilla and coconut extracts, and salt together until you have a nice little froth:

Day13_b_Froth

Add your coconut, lime zest, and flour, and mix.

Day13_c_Mix

Refrigerate the dough for 15-20 minutes before shaping.

While you’re waiting, pound the nuts. Macadamia nuts will turn to butter if you grind or food process, so stick to chopping (for larger chunks) or smashing (for a fine grain).

To smash the nuts, put the macadamias in a plastic bag like this,

Day13_d_BagEm

get yourself a wooden spoon and smack the bag with the back of the spoon until the macadamias look like this:

Day13_e_Crushed

Good. Now set the nuts aside and get your cookie sheets lined with parchment paper, take the cool dough out, and shape it into haystacks.

Day13_g_Haystacks

Put the macaroons in the oven, close the door,  and reduce the heat to 350º. Bake at 350º for 20 minutes, switching the trays around half way through baking.

As soon as they come out of the oven, sprinkle a pinch of Pink Himalayan salt on the top:

Day13_h_Salt

After the cookies have cooled, melt your white chocolate in short bursts of microwave heat (15-20 seconds at a time),

Day13_i_Heat

stirring in between each nuke until it’s smooth:

Day13_j_Melt

set up a frosting station:

Day13_k_Prep

spread the white chocolate on the base of the cookie:

Day13_l_Dip

and press it into the crushed macadamias:

Day13_m_Dust

And rest the finished cookie on wax paper until the chocolate has set:

Day13_n_Enjoy

You are finished. Get the tequila…

¡Salud!

Que vivas durante todos los días de tu vida.

*If I’d had it, I’d have used 3 1/3 cups sweetened shredded coconut and 2 cups unsweetened desiccated coconut for crunchier texture.

**coconut flour would be an alternative, if desired. The flour makes this cookie a little chewier. If you like a drier, crisper macaroon, use more unsweetened desiccated coconut in lieu of the flour.

(Translation? It means “Cheers! May you continue to live all the days of your life.”)

Day 12: Creepin’ Charlie & Me

Day 12: Creepin’ Charlie & Me

By | | Comments 2 comments

I remember living in the city. Spring would come and we Minnesotans would exit our bunkers and start setting up the tiki torches. I remember wanting all .003 acres of our land to be manicured and purposeful – a functional beauty – if you will.

Dandelions be damned and death to creepin’ charlie!

Perhaps it’s age. Perhaps it’s the maturity I’m supposed to have with it. Perhaps it’s not having neighbors whose lawns I’d “infect” with weeds… but,

I THINK IT’S HIGH TIME I MAKE PEACE WITH THE THINGS I’VE PICKED AND PULLED AT FOR FAR TOO LONG.

 

Day12_Creepin'Charlie

If the branch bears beauty,
to prune the bloom is madness.

Day 11: A Storm, a Wake, and a Tune

Day 11: A Storm, a Wake, and a Tune

By | | Comments 2 comments

At first, my good thing of the day was the short walk I took in light rain, lugging cello and music bags to a tucked away corner of an abandoned stage, where I could learn some new tunes with a friend.

Day11_stage

But I followed my friend (and the rain) to a wake. I didn’t know the person who’d died. The wake was at a pub we play at, now and again. The man had been good friends with the owners.

And then my good thing became breathtakingly great.

The place was filled with family and friends of this young person who’d passed well before his time. A car wreck, they said. All across the room, the faces were sympathetic but jolly. People laughed and embraced; and when they looked at each other, I watched them look straight into each other’s eyes, and give that lengthened beat of time that ticks, “I know, I know, I know.”

 

Day11_pub

A stranger in their midst, I sat around a table with nine or so more, and plunked out tunes I’m still in the midst of learning. A few couples danced. Each of us with our dram or pint (or both) we watched the rain get harder and the room get warmer. Out of the picture window I could see the street flooding with downpour and flashes of light.

The thunder mocked the bodhrán, 

and the fiddle skipped a beat, 

but the song never lost it’s rhythm, 

and the crowd was none the wiser.

 

let it be known, I want a wake like that…

Day 10: First Harvest

Day 10: First Harvest

By | | Comments 7 comments

There is something particularly exciting about the first harvest of the year, which in Minnesota is typically:

Day10_a_Rhubarb

…rhubarb.

It’s the first time of the year you get your knees in the dirt (and a fair amount under your finger nails if you’re doing it right). And you hack off so much green and branch, you can barely take a selfie with your bounty:

Day10_b_Bounty

And then you trim,

Day10_c_Trim

…and wash,

Day10_d_Wash

…and chop,

Day10_e_Chop

…and go to sleep with the earth in your skin, conjuring up rhubarb recipes in your head.

 

Day 9: Moon

Day 9: Moon

By | | Comments 2 comments

full-moon

FOR THE TIMES YOU MISS SOMEONE:

it could be someone far away,

or someone within reach who’ll not reach back,

or someone that you never really got to know but know you would have loved them if you did,

or someone that’s been in your whole life but never wholly there,

or someone right beside you, someone you can see and cannot find,

or someone you haven’t even met yet.

 

And your body gets still, and your mind rolls out the words you exchanged or wish you could, and your heart laughs along side theirs, and your hand holds ghosts;

 

that’s when I find the moon, and say this little ditty:

 

“I can see the moon
and the moon sees me.
If you can find the moon,
there, the three of us will be.”

 

I remind myself that it’s okay to miss. It’s okay to long for. We all need to let go and be let of go of, now and again. Even moonlight is bright enough to find the way back home.

Day 8: Banjos & Philosophy

Day 8: Banjos & Philosophy

By | | Comments 2 comments

I occasionally jam with a banjo man. He’s a gentle giant, has raised his children, is kind to my own, and enjoys playing music in his retirement.

When I started this journey, he sent me a kind note of encouragement and an idea from the late, Jiddu Krishnamurti:

“seeking drives aways the sought”

 

It made me ask myself, “WHAT DO I SEEK?”

I couldn’t say.

But I can feel it, seeking me.

Like a child lost at the zoo, surrounded by terrible beauties and beautiful terrors, I’ll hold my ground firm, until it, like a good parent, arrives to collect me. This requires restraint, patience, and very, VERY, open eyes.

So whilst we’re waiting in this zoo together, (…And JUST IN CASE you think the banjo is not the most thought provoking, philosophical instrument around), I leave you with a couple of songs from another friend of mine…

An exercise in restraint. With the exception of the introduction and ending, this tune is composed from a palette of 9 harmonics.

I love this one, too…

 

Subscribe

Enter your email address to subscribe to this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.