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approval can feel like a beast
to ride high on
or be crushed under
and it’s nearness always makes me feel small
like it’s power is beyond me.

when it’s kind, i’m lucky and grateful
and i push into the light of what I could be.
when it’s cruel, i’m dark,
like a switch that flicked the wrong way
and got stuck.

and i wonder,
who trains the beast?
who determines it’s course?
can it be gentled?
can it be tame?
can i travel with impervious skins
aware but not deterred?
nimble, undeferred?

i wonder,
could it come out from the jungle
that i keep it in –
in other people’s worlds and tangles –
and come to me?

as a pet or a friend
whose bite is playful
and presence humble
despite it’s size
and weight

i think

there will be just as many people telling you – you’re doing it right
as there will be those who tell you – you’ve got it all wrong

i think

i’ll give heed to both, but allegiance to none
and take my path
in my shoes
for all the distance i’ve been given
and make tender
the dangerous beasts.

 

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